Alone

How often do you spend time alone?

Not alone watching tv, or reading a book, or doing exercises…

but alone with your body, alone with your own thoughts and alone with your own soul?

Just you being in present, and being aware of that, and then being okay with it?

What we spend most of the time is to escape that state. We either turn to TVs, or alcohols, or social media etc. It feels as if we constantly need to be “doing something”, “feeding or numbing our brain”.

Why are we so afraid of being with our own mind, and being with ourselves? Maybe we are afraid of not liking who we really are? Or afraid of loosing time? Afraid of emotions outlet? Or…?

One thing I can say is, when you do, when you do start to spend time with yourself, and with your soul, and with the present of time. It’s addictive. You don’t get enough of it. And you want more. You finally connect to the “you” inside. The true you. And that encounter is a bliss. Creativity blossoms. And it’s unique to you. And yours alone.

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A great photograph.

If you study enough, the patterns is like this. Most, I do mean most, of the masters of photography point towards the same direction for making a great photograph:

“Photograph with your soul.”

Only then you get to have your own voice. Only then it is genuine. Only then it’s something that you care the most and you would be so passionate in shooting.

So how do you get closer to your soul? Or, how do you shoot with your soul?

First, reading more photographs won’t give you that. However excellent you are at interpreting other’s work, or knowing their work… that’s their work. What they are passionate about. Their voice.

Your voice? You have to look inside yourself. You have to look at your experiences. And what interest you. Not other people. Experience. Go out to the world and interact. You won’t know until you are pack full of experiences and on the way figuring out who you are. Nothing will come by when you just study.

So. Find your voice. Find your photography.

No one can help you other than you yourself.

?

I don’t know what else I could say,
to the things that are on display.
When you put a smile on your face,
who would know you’re crying inside to save grace.
Leaves still fall, and snow still come in Winter,
yet I see you building a reservoir,
that if one day, I push you over,
you’d be flooded in your own river.
Au revoir you said, “au revoir!
there’s too much to take, and too little to taste.
Better if I disappear, then everything will be great.”
I watch you, turning to vapours,
dancing, to the music of Lola.
I opened my eyes and looked into the mirror,
was that me, or was that a soul stealer?

Moon.

I shine for you all day long,
yet you don’t see me,
until darkness comes along.

When the sun comes up,
all things are bright and beautiful.
For you see flowers sunbathing,
and water crashing to the shores.
Yet you don’t see me,
even though I am still there singing my song.

Soon night comes,
everything turns sightless.
And I am still shinning for you,
to guide you with my brightness.

When the night ends,
you will forget me again,
until darkness come next time,
then maybe you’ll think of me, my friend.
No matter what I’ll still shine for you,
for as long as it is,
because I am what I am.

Karma. 

The results of today,
is what you did yesterday.
Do good deeds, and one day
you’ll have the fruits that you seed.

Everything is a journey,
to whom you eventually want to become.
Love all the mysteries,
for what you can’t control,
often are the ones that leave a big history.

Enjoy the ride,
follow the ups and downs,
Someday soon,
all there is will come around.

Root. 

Nature is what it is.

Bird sings, you don’t ask why they don’t paint;
Tree grows on the ground, they don’t grow on clouds;
Dandelions are dandelions, they are not sunflowers;
Leave falls in Autumn, snow comes in the Winter;

Everything is what they are. Because that is what they are. That is the law of nature.

Human beings. They are the complex ones. Because they have the power to manipulate what are, to what may.

We manipulate our being, to what’s happening around us.
We suck at Maths, but you have to do extra classes for school;
We are told to control our emotions, but you have a wild horse inside;
We are asked to extrovert, but really you just want to stay alone;

We became having to e.g. at least pass Maths, minimise your sensitivity and to socialise…

When do we ever ask our hearts, for guiding who we truly are?

If you are a bird, be a bird. Don’t be a sheep.
If your element is Art, do art. Don’t try to be good at maths.
If you are sensitive, use your sensitivity. Don’t try to demolish it.
If you are an introvert, be that. Don’t try to outgrow yourself.

Go to the root where you are grounded. Forget the pretty branches and flowers. When you have a strong root, you will grow your own beautiful fruits.

An Eagle Eye

I watch and prey, for the prizes
I’m interested in arresting,
Eyes sharp, mouth salivating,
I circulate –
longing for what’s worth waiting.

The cloud asks,
why are you not hunting?
For every fish out there,
are taken by your companions.

Sun kisses the ocean, I dive,
and caught what I wanted with pride.
Until then, I reply –
“I have what is right for me,
and that is all I needed.”

J.

Once in a while,
I think about how you smile,
From 30,000 miles, I linger onto,
the memories we filed.
Love came, but quickly gone,
leaving sorrow between us, all season long.

Sometimes I wonder,
if you ever felt the same,
or was it just me,
dreaming of your name.
To the moon I sing, the only song we have,
is this what’s left, and all there is to bring?

Conditional Love. 

Is love conditional? Or unconditional?

Some people say, everything you love is conditional. Either it’s because externally eg someone is being nice to you, you get something in return… or internally, you want to feel good, you want to be identified as that character of a person.

Let’s say, you love your son. The condition is he’s your son. That’s why you love him. You love him because he laughs, he makes you happy. But what happens when he cries? Do you still love him even thought you hate the fact that he’s screaming all night long? Yes, because knowledge tells you that he knows nothing, and you are accommodating to him because of that. So now, what if there’s a language that you have a way of knowing what he’s thinking as a baby? That he isn’t innocent, he was crying just to piss-you-off. Do you still love him? What was the condition then? Do you still love him based on his behaviour and his thoughts behind it? Or do you base your love with the condition that you set out in the beginning “he’s my son”?

Now the question is, if it is the latter, do you still call that conditional love?

Love is an emotion. An emotion is a constant state. Affection on the other hand, is a feeling, a fleeting state. Maybe you can’t show affection to your baby at the example above at that moment but you will still love him, because he’s your son.

Love, love is showing affection, and showing affection based on how much time you give. We all have the same amount of time every day. That’s constant and quantifiable.

To me therefore,

Love, is the time you give to something or someone by showing affection based either on external or internal rewards.

Love and Hate

There will always be love and hate with any relationships: things, places, people and yourself. You love and you hate short hair. You love and hate Chinese food. You love and hate photography. You love and hate this person.

If you don’t have that, then you are numbed. Either because you just became indifferent or there are no other choices. When there are other options out there, during the hate time, you’ll always see better things in the alternatives. And if there are no alternatives, you can’t love or hate it because that’s the only thing you get. But this rarely happens.

So it’s undeniable, the love-hate tug of war.

But the thing is, you must love it/him/her more than you hate it. Because that is the only thing that can keep you going through the hate times. That the love is much bigger and enough to make you tolerate the hate times. So now, here’s the question,

What is it that you love the most? That no matter how bad it can be, you will still love it? 

What are the fundamental qualities / reasons / values / beliefs that are core to you, that no matter what else has changed, these will still be the very things that you stand by and you love?